I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
Dear GGG/my sisters/my soulmates/my BFFs,
I’m so happy to tell you that I’m coping really well with the lifestyle in Melbourne but it is not until last morning (12 smthg AM) that I realized how much I miss you guys. These are the list of what I did this weekend, seemed pretty crazy but it was much fun and I would kill to do it again with you all:
Friday, July 22nd 2011
Went to a ‘party’ and ‘danced joyfully’ at a really cool and fun place called Neverland. I tried a couple of ‘fruit drinks’ and a bottle of ‘this drink that made me feel really warm’. Then I danced again untill I got ‘invited’ to dance at the stage to show some ‘graceful’ moves. Then I went to a friend’s apartment at 3 something AM, exhausted but really happy. (I decided not to go home cause the street is very quite and foggy and there is no more tram service after 2 AM so we have to walk home, so it seemed pretty dangerous) As soon as I stepped on the carpet at my friend’s apartment I fell asleep. Then my other friend who lives at the same building as me woke me up at 6 something AM to catch a tram home. We walked outside to a tram stop and it was DAMN COLD. Fortunately we arrived home safely. I walked inside my apartment directly to the bed, took off my shoes and went to sleep (yes, with my jacket still on, my full make up still on and my clothes smelled like ‘the drink that made me felt really wam’). I woke up the same day at 1 PM.
Saturday, July 23rd 2011
I woke up at 1 PM, ate brunch, took a shower and did some of my HW. I went out at 2 PM. Bought a sweater at ZARA and did window shopping. Went to church, they were having this event where they had drama and food bazaar to raise money. Then, went to a japanese restaurant where they sell REALLY AWESOME JAPANESE FOOD! I will take you guys there sometime if you guys go to Melbourne. But the portion is really small, so you dine there for the sake of AWESOME TASTE not for satisfying hunger. Then, went to Yarra River, we all sat by ther river, just the 6 of us, drank ‘a really nice drink that made me felt warm’ and start beeing GALAU and this is when, I realized how much I MISSED you guys.
I don’t miss my family that much because I know that no matter what happens, they will always be my family and I will meet them sometime soon. But with you guys, its different. We probably won’t be as close cause of the distance and the routine, but please dont ever hesitate to contact me anytime and NEVER thought that I’ve forgotten about our friendship. My lifestyle and principles might changed but I will never and could never forget about each one of you. I missed you guys so much that I cried. I missed meeting you guys at starbucks, meeting at the canteen, our sleepover… everything. You guys know me better than my family. You all know my flaws and accept it no matter how messed up it is.
I sent my biggest and warmest hug to you all
xoxoxoxoxo
I couldn’t sleep. I planned to sleep early today, I’ve set the alarm to wake me up at 5, but I couldn’t sleep. I have 5 days an hour until June 28th. I suddenly got a lot of things on my mind.
I thought of my girls, my best friends, my sisters.
I thought of the decisions I’ve made that took me this far.
I thought of things that might happen if I did certain things.
Maybe my life would be easier if I didn’t insist on going to Australia. I wouldn’t have such a big responsibility. I wouldn’t miss my girls this much. But its far too late to think about such things right? The farewell party was held, the clothes were packed, the fee was paid. I’m good to go. For a second I remind myself that this is the thing I’ve always wanted. This is the path to my dream. This is the one thing I believe I was meant to do. Tiny part of me cast doubts. Fearing I wouldn’t be strong enough to battle whatever it is standing in front of me. I may have taken things to easy. I thought leaving would be easy. But as the clock ticks and my time here become less I thought of those I miss. My family, high school (yes! even when it is waaay over) and my friends.
I used to think that I am a 21st century women. I’m a women who knows what she wants, a fighter, a strong character, confident and brave (pretty much like Addison Montgomery, turn on Private Practice if you don’t know who she is).That I’m strong enough to take down whatever it is, no matter how long or how hard it takes. A cold women who believes that “No one can hurt you unless you let them”. I did become that women, since I broke up with my ex three years ago I become a whole different person. They might not realize it but I did change. Now I feel pretty damn vulnerable cause I just cried, I just cried thinking of my girls (I’m pressing super cold spoon on my eyelids at the moment, I don’t wanna wake up looking like I’ve bean beaten).
I miss them so much. Hug them for me.
I’m not sad because I can’t live far away from them, I just want to be sure that they’ll be okay. Okay, it sounded like that depend on me so much but no, they don’t, I don’t think so. I have this mother-y feeling, like I want to make sure that they’re okay.
I’ll miss so bad tonight that it is damn hard to sleep. But, this sadness should go. I don’t wanna leave weeping like a clingy, over emotional girl. I wanna leave happily, pursuing my dreams, believing that I will meet them again. Our memories will be carved in our hearts, unchangeable, strong enough to withstand our distance.
I wanna hold them, one more time and know for sure that I won’t lose them no matter how far I go.
To my sisters, wherever you are, I asked God and his angels to give you my warmest hug.
Tons of hugs and kisses.
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?
This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out
This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me
Santa Laurensia - Class of 2011
Graduation Day. Saturday, June 11th 2011. Soccer Field.
Today is a big day for me and my fellow friends in St Laurensia. Just about 8 hours ago, we made a grand entry, listened to a great speech from our principle and friends, passed long last looks at each other, reminisced over our moments of happiness and sorrow throughout our study at St Laurensia. Yes, we were graduated. Each of us now, officially, enter our own new journey. As I entered the gymnasium, stood in front of my seat and sang the national anthem, I glanced over my friends. I thought of how much I will miss them and felt a little bit scared cause I’ll be on my own, walking through the path I’ve chosen. I also felt sad cause no matter how much I deny it, I know that it is goodbye.
The people I will miss very much are my girls. We’ve gone through some ups and downs and some fights but surprisingly at the end of the day we still have each other. I love them. They are my best friends and my sisters. We’ve cried, laugh, suffered and rejoiced together.
LEVINA who is caring and trustworthy, a friend to count on in any situation
LEONY who is spontaneous and highly sociable, a friend who spreads laughter and joy
MANDA who is straight forward and diligent, a friend who can be a great company
ROBYN who is weird and strongly stands for what she believes, a great friend to bitch with
TIFFANY who is easy going and carefree, a friend who makes life seems a lot easier
JESSICA who is gullible and understanding, a friend who will never judge
As I count my last days before leaving to Melbourne, I cherish my memories with them.
Everyday when I open my eyes, that first breath will remind me of
The day we met
The day we laugh
The day we were angry at each other
The day we cried
The day we did stupid things
The day we broke the rules
The day when we were together and the day we part
You girls are part of me as I am part of you
One day we shall sit on those chairs, sipping coffee and talk about today
