the.red.queen

"I’m so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish..."

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 05:12:58 -0400

“

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

”

Melancholic Sunday

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 13:22:00 -0400

Dear GGG/my sisters/my soulmates/my BFFs,

I’m so happy to tell you that I’m coping really well with the lifestyle in Melbourne but it is not until last morning (12 smthg AM) that I realized how much I miss you guys. These are the list of what I did this weekend, seemed pretty crazy but it was much fun and I would kill to do it again with you all:

Friday, July 22nd 2011

Went to a ‘party’ and ‘danced joyfully’ at a really cool and fun place called Neverland. I tried a couple of ‘fruit drinks’ and a bottle of ‘this drink that made me feel really warm’. Then I danced again untill I got ‘invited’ to dance at the stage to show some ‘graceful’ moves. Then I went to a friend’s apartment at 3 something AM, exhausted but really happy. (I decided not to go home cause the street is very quite and foggy and there is no more tram service after 2 AM so we have to walk home, so it seemed pretty dangerous) As soon as I stepped on the carpet at my friend’s apartment I fell asleep. Then my other friend who lives at the same building as me woke me up at 6 something AM to catch a tram home. We walked outside to a tram stop and it was DAMN COLD. Fortunately we arrived home safely. I walked inside my apartment directly to the bed, took off my shoes and went to sleep (yes, with my jacket still on, my full make up still on and my clothes smelled like ‘the drink that made me felt really wam’). I woke up the same day at 1 PM.

Saturday, July 23rd 2011

I woke up at 1 PM, ate brunch, took a shower and did some of my HW. I went out at 2 PM. Bought a sweater at ZARA and did window shopping. Went to church, they were having this event where they had drama and food bazaar to raise money. Then, went to a japanese restaurant where they sell REALLY AWESOME JAPANESE FOOD! I will take you guys there sometime if you guys go to Melbourne. But the portion is really small, so you dine there for the sake of AWESOME TASTE not for satisfying hunger. Then, went to Yarra River, we all sat by ther river, just the 6 of us, drank ‘a really nice drink that made me felt warm’ and start beeing GALAU and this is when, I realized how much I MISSED you guys.

I don’t miss my family that much because I know that no matter what happens, they will always be my family and I will meet them sometime soon. But with you guys, its different. We probably won’t be as close cause of the distance and the routine, but please dont ever hesitate to contact me anytime and NEVER thought that I’ve forgotten about our friendship. My lifestyle and principles might changed but I will never and could never forget about each one of you. I missed you guys so much that I cried. I missed meeting you guys at starbucks, meeting at the canteen, our sleepover… everything. You guys know me better than my family. You all know my flaws and accept it no matter how messed up it is.

I sent my biggest and warmest hug to you all

xoxoxoxoxo

Me and Robyn on Graduation night

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:41:00 -0400

Me and Robyn on Graduation night

Photo

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:37:03 -0400

Photo

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:36:03 -0400

June 16th 2011, Bogor.

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:34:00 -0400

June 16th 2011, Bogor.

One Last Cry

Wed, 22 Jun 2011 12:23:33 -0400

I couldn’t sleep. I planned to sleep early today, I’ve set the alarm to wake me up at 5, but I couldn’t sleep. I have 5 days an hour until June 28th. I suddenly got a lot of things on my mind.

I thought of my girls, my best friends, my sisters.

I thought of the decisions I’ve made that took me this far.

I thought of things that might happen if I did certain things.

Maybe my life would be easier if I didn’t insist on going to Australia. I wouldn’t have such a big responsibility. I wouldn’t miss my girls this much. But its far too late to think about such things right? The farewell party was held, the clothes were packed, the fee was paid. I’m good to go. For a second I remind myself that this is the thing I’ve always wanted. This is the path to my dream. This is the one thing I believe I was meant to do. Tiny part of me cast doubts. Fearing I wouldn’t be strong enough to battle whatever it is standing in front of me. I may have taken things to easy. I thought leaving would be easy. But as the clock ticks and my time here become less I thought of those I miss. My family, high school (yes! even when it is waaay over) and my friends.

I used to think that I am a 21st century women. I’m a women who knows what she wants, a fighter, a strong character, confident and brave (pretty much like Addison Montgomery, turn on Private Practice if you don’t know who she is).That I’m strong enough to take down whatever it is, no matter how long or how hard it takes. A cold women who believes that “No one can hurt you unless you let them”. I did become that women, since I broke up with my ex three years ago I become a whole different person. They might not realize it but I did change. Now I feel pretty damn vulnerable cause I just cried, I just cried thinking of my girls (I’m pressing super cold spoon on my eyelids at the moment, I don’t wanna wake up looking like I’ve bean beaten).

I miss them so much. Hug them for me.

I’m not sad because I can’t live far away from them, I just want to be sure that they’ll be okay. Okay, it sounded like that depend on me so much but no, they don’t, I don’t think so. I have this mother-y feeling, like I want to make sure that they’re okay.

I’ll miss so bad tonight that it is damn hard to sleep. But, this sadness should go. I don’t wanna leave weeping like a clingy, over emotional girl. I wanna leave happily, pursuing my dreams, believing that I will meet them again. Our memories will be carved in our hearts, unchangeable, strong enough to withstand our distance.

I wanna hold them, one more time and know for sure that I won’t lose them no matter how far I go.

To my sisters, wherever you are, I asked God and his angels to give you my warmest hug.

Tons of hugs and kisses.

Photograph - Nickelback

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:41:56 -0400

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out

This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for

It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin’ out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/nickelback-lyrics-photograph-cbvjnsp#ixzz1OzS707a4
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Santa Laurensia - Class of 2011 Graduation Day. Saturday, June...

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:36:37 -0400

Santa Laurensia - Class of 2011

Graduation Day. Saturday, June 11th 2011. Soccer Field.

"Spread your wings for a better tomorrow"

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 13:24:00 -0400

Today is a big day for me and my fellow friends in St Laurensia. Just about 8 hours ago, we made a grand entry, listened to a great speech from our principle and friends, passed long last looks at each other, reminisced over our moments of happiness and sorrow throughout our study at St Laurensia. Yes, we were graduated. Each of us now, officially, enter our own new journey. As I entered the gymnasium, stood in front of my seat and sang the national anthem, I glanced over my friends. I thought of how much I will miss them and felt a little bit scared cause I’ll be on my own, walking through the path I’ve chosen. I also felt sad cause no matter how much I deny it, I know that it is goodbye.

The people I will miss very much are my girls. We’ve gone through some ups and downs and some fights but surprisingly at the end of the day we still have each other. I love them. They are my best friends and my sisters. We’ve cried, laugh, suffered and rejoiced together.

LEVINA who is caring and trustworthy, a friend to count on in any situation

LEONY who is spontaneous and highly sociable, a friend who spreads laughter and joy

MANDA who is straight forward and diligent, a friend who can be a great company

ROBYN who is weird and strongly stands for what she believes, a great friend to bitch with

TIFFANY who is easy going and carefree, a friend who makes life seems a lot easier

JESSICA who is gullible and understanding, a friend who will never judge

As I count my last days before leaving to Melbourne, I cherish my memories with them.

Everyday when I open my eyes, that first breath will remind me of

The day we met

The day we laugh

The day we were angry at each other

The day we cried

The day we did stupid things

The day we broke the rules

The day when we were together and the day we part

You girls are part of me as I am part of you

One day we shall sit on those chairs, sipping coffee and talk about today

So here I am, just three weeks to go before I go to Melbourne, feeling overly emotional about...

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 13:21:10 -0400

So here I am, just three weeks to go before I go to Melbourne, feeling overly emotional about leaving my friends and families. I hate to say that, I just realized how I don’t have enough quality time with them. I spent most of the time mugging and doing self rehabilitation (hours of tv/books/browsing, yes it does make me feel very entertained, especially tv).

I was listening to a song The Scientist by Coldplay and it struck really hard. I close my eyes, reminiscing over the past 6 years. I thought, wow, I’ve been through A LOT of things; break ups, fights, crushes, jealousy, overworked, worries, sadness, blindly in love, stupid thoughts, stupid acts, achievements, pretty much everything. What I wouldn’t give to relive those moments. 18 years doesn’t feel that long, as if it was just yesterday I wore a red and black checked skirt and a bow tie, giggling with my girls about our crushes and seniors in junior high and suddenly here I am, about to make the biggest step in my life so far, entering college in Melbourne.

I remember some people who walked into my life but then didn’t make it to the present. I realized how sometimes, without purpose I kicked people who love me out of my life, for no reason. There is this little part of me hate it to be alone, but I think I have develop a stronger attitude of doing everything on my own cause I never want to trouble others (I live by the rule, if I don’t bother others then they won’t bother me). But I must say, I’m surprised with these people, who came and manage to stay in my life. I couldn’t kick them out, I might have done that but they manage to find their way back.

To my family

To my girls

To my friends

To my teachers

To all of my ex

Wherever you guys are

I’m gonna miss you guys SO MUCH

I raise my glass, to our yesterdays

Today

and days to come

The Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, lets go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/coldplay-lyrics-the-scientist-3spq2t1#ixzz1OW8WTeyn
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